The total agony of not knowing the future, not knowing if it really will be ok, and not knowing if we are making the right choices that will ultimately lead us on the right path can be just that . . . total agony! Personally, I’m the queen of suffering with uncertainty and have struggled with trusting my gut and letting go of the intense need to know how it will all turn out for as long as I can remember.
In fact, when I was a freshman in college, I found myself at a particularly painful crossroads. I was faced with the decision of whether to stay with my high school boyfriend who was my first love and the most wonderful guy I’d ever known, or break up with him to start a new relationship with an old crush that finally showed interest in me. At the time, it felt like life or death. My 19-year-old brain was convinced that whichever guy I chose was ultimately going to be my husband someday, so I better damn well make the right choice! I was so torn up about not knowing the future that I ventured out to someone who might be able to give me some insight . . . no, I didn’t go to therapy or pray to God . . . I went to a psychic.
In awareness of National Infertility Week, I share this very personal post with you. You may have friends or coworkers struggling with infertility or rare genetic disorders and not even know it. Here is a window into my own personal journey.
For those of you who may not know, IVF stands for in vitro fertilization
(see http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/ivf.html for more information).
My husband and I started the process of IVF treatments back in September 2013. I say we started the process then, but it is somewhat difficult to even pinpoint the beginning of this journey.
Shortly after moving to a new part of town, I found myself in one of two left turning lanes going under the highway and onto the frontage road of northbound I35. Now once you get onto the frontage road, it goes from two lanes down to one before the off ramp traffic is introduced. Since I like to be the one with the right of way, I try to position myself in the farthest left lane so that I don’t have to be the one to yield. It’s just efficient.
Well, one day, I was making my daily left turn onto the freeway, when this dude starts honking at me from his clearly inferior right lane position, and then rudely cuts me off. “Asshole!” I think. And then I think, “Man, people should really learn to respect the road rules in this community.” Then I remember how I want to be toward others, and I think, in a patronizing, holier than thou kind of way, “Well, I hope he gets where he’s going safely. God knows I’ve been in a hurry before, so I’ll be the bigger man and let it go.” This helps me to feel better about myself instead of feeling victimized.
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Here you will find articles contributed by members of our team. We hope to provide helpful information here to inspire mindful living and general wellness. The information provided here is not a substitue for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak to a professional regarding your mental health, please make an appointment.